I've been watching some videos that Otep Shamaya did answering some questions that people wrote to her. Learning more about her is very inspirational. Her ideals behind "Art Saves" are awesome. I don't even know the words to describe it. I'm not exactly an artsy person, I'm more mechanical really. Except my writing. All I've heard is praise on some of the things I've written, here or elsewhere.
So what I'm getting at is I'm wanting to write something. Not too many people know, but I have some very, what word can I use...vivid?, dreams. Unfortunately, none have really been good, or your typical dreams. What I dream about is pain, torture, desperation, fear, and terror. I'm talking things that would make your skin crawl if it was a movie. What makes these dreams more interesting to me is that I have night terrors. Imagine waking up from a nightmare in your bed, but seeing your bedroom as a poorly lit, blood covered cinder block room. You're strapped to a medical table, while a "creature" spreads your jaws open and starts pushing its way into you. But you don't feel it as your jaw is being ripped off, but your tongue is sliding into the back of your throat, and your mouth and neck are stretching to let the creature inside. Knowing what that feels like consciously is like being part of Hell.
Or having another creature eating you, bite by bite, and feeling the pain of chunks of your body being ripped away. All that, while conscience. Death seems like a sweet release from the pain.
Or how about this. Imagine what it feels like to have a dream in which you are having your entrails ripped out of you. Not through your stomach like most horror movies portray death of that sort. No, I mean having everything inside you pulled out through your mouth, feeling the pain of it ripping inside you, the feeling of choking, losing all ability to breath, while it's pulled up through your throat and out your mouth.
That sort of thing is what I go through every night. Not on a rare occasion, or every once and a while, but every single night. That's one reason I seem to have insomnia, staying awake close to 20 hours at a time a lot of the time. When I do get 8 hours, it's not naturally. It has be brought on by a sleep aid.
My whole point of this is one simple question. Should I try to put some of my nightmares into text and maybe see if I could be published? Writing is one of the few ways I can express myself and my thoughts anymore, so I'm pretty sure I could do it. I'd just like to hear others opinions.
Please message me here or email me at tubes 2 transistors (at) gmail dot com. Take out the spaces, (at) is @ and (dot) is a ".". Hope to hear from some people soon.